she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
