in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this boner is exhausting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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