i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
