my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
