my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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