Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
