Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
