Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want her autograph on my taint
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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