We named our party play list daddy issues
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
