Its about making memories worth repressing
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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