i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
