im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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