is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
