Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
