so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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