So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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