while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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