Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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