I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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