I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
