I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
