no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
