yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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