I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize