You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
