I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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