So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
