Im at strip club and am horny
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
