I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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