My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize