Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
