apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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