a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
