WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
