the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
