1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
