I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
