i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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