Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
