The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
