my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
