you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
