Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
