shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
