Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
