If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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