clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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