i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
