i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
