Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
