Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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