I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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