And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
