from now on my penis is your penis
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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