I think i peed on brittanys purse
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Randomize
