i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
