I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
