Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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