So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think i got beer on your cat.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
