Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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