If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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