Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
