Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
