CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And then my night got REAL pukey
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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