The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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