He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
