I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
