remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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