whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
