he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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