$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
