remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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